Damaged Goods
by AlwaysKate11
Summary: *Spoiler-Kill Shot* I absolutely loved Kill Shot,but I was really disappointed that Castle couldn't/wouldn't comfort Kate during her crisis, so I wrote this VERY short story showing what I wish things could have been.


**Damaged Goods**

**-A short story-**

Castle couldn't keep his eyes off of Kate. This wasn't unusual for him. Watching Kate was one of his favorite pastimes. But this was different. Instead of watching her for his enjoyment, he was watching out of concern. Kate was falling apart right before his eyes and he had no idea how to stop it.

It was obvious that she was reacting badly to this case. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why. This case involved a sniper and she had been shot by one. He had seen the look in her eyes and heard the quiver in her voice when she asked Lanie if the female victim had felt any pain. He knew she had been thinking the same thing that he was. That it could easily have been her laying on that cold slab in the morgue.

As the case moved forward she had deteriorated. Quickly and dramatically. From being merely distracted and distant to jumpy and hyper-vigilant. He had seen her struggling to catch her breath, most likely fighting off a full blown panic attack. She had even run out of the room at the precinct, needing, he was sure, to get away to pull herself together. Esposito had told him that it was best to give her space, but it was getting harder and harder to follow that advice. What if he was wrong? What if she needed him to be there? Would she realize that he was giving her space, not ignoring her? More than anything, he didn't want her to go through this alone.

All of these thoughts were running through his head while they were at the Towers following another shooting. He watched as Kate talked to the victim who was lying on a gurney. He could see that the conversation was upsetting her and as they wheeled the woman away, she ran off disappearing from his view into a hallway. He followed her immediately, not wanting her to be too far away. He stopped short of actually going into the hallway, remembering Esposito's words. That's when he heard it. At first he had no idea what he was listening too. His heart began pounding wildly as it registered what he was hearing. It was Kate crying. No- crying was too mild of a word. It was desperate wailing. Pain, fear, anger all rolled into one. A sound he knew instantly he would never forget and one he couldn't ignore.

He ran into the hallway and almost tripped over her, not expecting to find her on the floor. He dropped down next to her and pulled her close, holding her tightly against his chest as much as to comfort her as to keep her from running away. But she didn't even try to run. Instead, she turned and buried her face in his neck, grabbing the front of his shirt in tight fists. He could feel her tears, warm and wet, on his neck and chest as she sobbed uncontrollably in his arms. Not knowing what to say, he just held her and whispered softly in her ear. "Shhh. It's okay Kate. It's going to be okay. I promise. Just let it out. You're not alone. Shhh."

It took several minutes, but finally the sobs turned to quiet crying and her hands relaxed, palms resting gently on his chest. Still he didn't let go. He just kept rubbing her back, his cheek resting on the top of her head, waiting for her to give him a clue that she was ready for him to let go. When the crying gave way to silence only broken by a few small sniffles he felt her stiffen up and push away from his chest.

Keeping her face averted, she started to gather her coat and the other items she had thrown on the floor. He leaped up quickly and leaned down, gently grabbing her arm to help her up. It was then that he noticed the white bandage for the first time. Dropping back down to one knee, he looked into her eyes. "Kate?" he asked, cradling her arm.

She knew immediately what he thought. She didn't blame him. The way she had been reacting to this case, plus a bandaged wrist, would make anyone assume the worst. She pulled her arm away. "It's not what you think, Castle. I broke a glass and hurt my wrist."

When he didn't look convinced, she elaborated. "Okay. You want to know what happened? I was drinking. I fell and knocked the glass over. I was on the floor and I cut my wrist. Happy?" she finished, sarcastically.

He guessed there was more to it than that, but before he could respond, she quickly stood up. He did the same, picking up her badge that was still lying on the floor. She snatched it out of his hand and walked back out into the lobby without looking back, Castle slowly following her.

Kate needed to put some distance between herself and Castle. She hated that he had seen her like that. Weak and broken. Even as she wondered how she would be able to face him after that, she couldn't forget how it had felt. Having him there, holding her while she cried. Telling her it would be okay. For a minute, she had even believed him. It had felt so good being in his arms, letting him comfort her. Like any other couple. But they weren't any other couple, she reminded herself. She wasn't capable of being a part of a couple. That thought had her fighting back tears once again.

Castle knew that Kate was embarrassed that he had seen her so upset. She hated showing what she perceived as weakness. He wondered briefly if Esposito had been right. Maybe going to her wasn't the right thing to do. But then he remembered how she had curled into him, letting him hold her while she cried and he knew that even though it bothered her afterward, she had needed him in that moment and he was glad he had been there for her. Now though, he had to try and stay away. She didn't need to deal with her embarrassment on top of the the demons she was fighting within herself.

That's why when he could see she was getting more and more out of control, he asked Esposito to help her. He knew that Esposito knew what she was going through and that made him the best one to help her. It hurt a little knowing that someone else could help Kate through this when she wouldn't let him, but if it was what she needed, then it was what she needed. He watched them walk away together. Unable to resist, he followed them to the room where they stored property from former cases. He listened quietly outside the door as they talked. He heard Esposito remind her that the sniper was just a man, damaged goods. His heart broke when he heard her whisper, "So am I."

_Is that how she sees herself? _Castle thought to himself. _As damaged goods?_

Once again, he found himself in the position of needing to go to her. His head said not to move, but his heart wouldn't listen and he stepped into the room. Esposito looked over her head at him. She must have noticed because she looked over her shoulder to see what he was looking at. When she did, Castle could see the tracks that tears had made on her cheeks. He watched as she looked back at Esposito and after a brief, quiet conversation, she nodded, apparently letting him know that it was okay to go. Esposito put down the gun he was holding and headed towards the exit. He put his hand on Castle's shoulder as he walked by, whispering to be careful as he passed.

Castle walked over to her hesitantly. Once again he was invading her privacy and he would not have been at all surprised if she didn't tell him to go away, or just walk away herself. Instead, she just stared at him, looking as if she just didn't have the energy to fight anymore. As he watched her, another tear escaped. He reached up and used his thumb to gently brush it away.

"I heard what you said to Esposito. It's not true you know." She shrugged sadly, her eyes downcast, obviously not convinced.

He reached over and used his hand to gently lift her chin forcing her to meet his eyes. "It's not true, Kate. You're not damaged goods. Not to me." She jerked her chin out of his hands.

"Come on, Castle. If you insist on trying to help, at least be honest. Look at me. I'm a mess. I can't do my job. I push away the people who care about me the most. I can't even have a relationship, not a real one. What would you call that?"

"Do you know what I see when I look you? I see a woman who has been through more than anyone else that I know and still keeps going. I see the bravest soul I've ever known. You're chasing a sniper just months after being shot by one! No one blames you for being rattled. You wouldn't be human if you weren't. But this isn't the end of your story, Kate. You're strong. You'll get through this. And I'll be right here waiting for you. Always."

She looked at him, more tears threatening to fall as she was carefully weighed his words. He watched as she blinked back her tears and nodded at him. With a determined look on her face, she picked up the sniper's rifle. At first, holding it made her feel sick, but after a minute, a calmness came over her. She lifted it and stared at the street below through the cross hairs. It felt good. She felt the control that she had lost slowly return. After several moment's she put the rifle down. Smiling, she turned to face Castle. Relieved, he smiled back. She walked over to him and together they walked out of the room. Before joining the others, she grabbed his arm. He stopped to look at her questioningly.

"Thank you," she whispered. Surprising them both, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before walking away, feeling stronger than she had in a very long time. She knew that she had a long way to go before she was completely better, but for the very first time since her mother's death so long ago, she knew that, with Castle's help, she was going to be okay.

_The End_


End file.
